Breathe No More
by stephxnie
Summary: And I bleed, I bleed,And I breathe, I breathe no more. Songfic. Lyrics Belong to EV. ONESHOTT. HG/RW. T for content, concept.


_I've been looking in the mirror for so long.  
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side._

You know the saying 'You are who you are, and nobody can change you'? Well I defied this law of teen angst. Me, Hermione Granger, complete book worm, frizzy haired, nagging, ugly, and not in the slightest- pretty? Yeah well, things happened, and I was happy, then things kind of came crumbling down in the end.

_All the little pieces falling, shatter.  
Shards of me,  
Too sharp to put back together.  
Too small to matter._

It's kind of a funny story really. I loved him, more than I could ever possibly love anyone. But I wasn't enough. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many hints I dropped, no matter how much I changed for him, I was never enough. He always went to the Gryffindor Slut herself, Lavender Brown, and left me in the shadows, to be broken, and brought down. But why, on earth, would I love such a person? Well, that's what Ron Weasley did to me.

_But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
If I try to touch her,  
And I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no more._

Best friends, people thought us. The Golden Trio. Potters Posse. Friends of the Chosen One. Yep, all of the above. We always fought, me and Ron. Never a moment's peace for Harry. I don't know, just something about Ron made me fell all giddy inside, and all of the other emotions we get. I was so afraid of getting hurt, and beaten down; I sort of pushed him away. i regret my attitude about it every day, because maybe we would have had a chance. Well, if he had given me one.

_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.  
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child._

So I changed. New look. New attitude. New wardrobe. New me. I admit, it was fun for a while. Ron started paying more attention to me. I flaked off homework, snogged other Gryffindors senseless, and was completely outrageous. Ron was astounded at my new take on life. Live now, or regret not living later. He started coming onto me. Physically. Our first snog- let me just say in advance; FANTASITC. Never felt anything more blissful, and full of enthusiasm and love. Then we started dating.

_Lie to me,  
Convince me that I've been sick forever.  
And all of this,  
Will make sense when I get better._

I was happy. I found that dating Ron, and being (dare I say it) a slut was much more fun than being top of the class, or a know-it-all. Ron loved me. He acted like it. Every time a Slytherin would tease, or try to hurt me, Ron was there for my defence. He would always "save" me if you will. He was also very protective. I have never felt so loved, or wanted ever in my whole life. People wanted me. But I was Ron's property. Forbidden territory, especially because everyone who did want me ended up spending time in the hospital wing.

_But I know the difference,  
Between myself and my reflection.  
I just can't help but to wonder,_

I told him every day that I loved him, in hopes of receiving the same reassurnment from him. No luck. But I would keep pressing on. until one night…

~Flashback…~

Ron and me were snogging in the Astronomy Tower after curfew.

"Hermione…" he whispered on my lips.

"Y-yes?" I reply, slightly laughing. He leaned his forehead on mine, and cupped my face.

"I love you…" he whispered. I looked up at him, and smiled.

"Really?" I asked, sort of perplexed. He nodded. I kissed him lightly on the lips, finally grateful he said it.

_Which of us do you love?_

After that, every time he saw me, he would tell me he loved me. It made me feel so happy, and wonderful inside. I was blinded by my love to see what was really happening. He filled my heart with hope, love, happiness, and bliss. What could possibly bring me down? This. One night…

_So I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no..._

He told me to meet him in his room after dinner. I didn't see him at dinner, so I was a little confused, but I didn't let my hopes down.

After dinner, I almost ran to his room that night; I was so excited. I didn't know why, because I see him all day. So I ran up the stairs, and stopped at the boys' dormitory door. I straightened myself up so I wouldn't look like I was too exhausted or excited. but that's when I saw…

I opened the door, and saw Lavender Brown, and Ron….

Snogging.

My smile quickly faded into a frown. My heart stopped, and my breath became shuddery and stifled. I felt tears in the back of my eyes burn for escape, but I held them back. Ron lifted up upon seeing me out of the corner of his eye.

"Hermione!" he said. I just stood there, completely perplexed. I then ran out, my heels hitting the hard granite of the floor with might. I heard Ron call my name, but I kept running. Tears start to fall, and I was running down the stairs before I knew it. I tripped over my heels, and fell down about three stairs, and then I reached the bottom. I crawled in a nearby corner, and threw my shoes down the next flight of stairs. But the staircase (being magic) moved, and the shoes went falling down, until I heard them crash at the very bottom.

Kind of like my life right now.

_Bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe,  
I breathe-_

Now I can't help but think; I changed completely for someone who was going to hurt me anyway. How could I be so stupid? He fooled me. How could I possibly fall for him? How could I have let myself go so easily? What a stupid mistake. So ironic too; from smart, sensible book-worm, to slutty chick who ends up getting hurt. The irony makes it so much worse. Now I am changed. I changed so much, and I can't change back. It would be too predictable. I should have seen this coming. It was imminent, I knew it. I just denied it. Now here I am, staring at the mirror, missing my old life. But most of all, I wonder…

Why do I still love him?

_I breathe no more._


End file.
